Headspace; Keeping it Straight

     On May 18, 2013 I completed my first intense 12 week diet and exercise program (that I actually stuck to the whole time!) and as a belated birthday celebration, my husband and I went to Carmel for three days. I thoroughly enjoyed myself the whole time, and that included eating whatever came in range, drinking a few cocktails and wine, (though I avoided beer) and giving my body the break from workouts it's been begging for since the end of April.

      Some disturbing things happened as my diet went bezerk. Rich food, sugar, and alcohol sapped my desire to do even the fun active things I'd planned on, like running on the beach, or going paddleboarding. Instead, I lounged around, cruised from one meal to the next, and snacked on actual candy as I got a magnificent sunburn by the pool. After a candy-binge, loaded with artificial colors, (TMI WARNING, BLUE TEXT AHEAD MAY BE TMI FOR SOME) my poop (EW!) turned blue and then GREEN for two days. Not natural. Not right. Disturbing. And a clear sign that humans are NOT made to consume that artificially colored grossness. Tastes great, but LOOK what happens to your body! That's foul, dude. Foul. I'm a bloated mess after my off-plan time, and it scares me. Incidentally, I won't be weighing myself until NEXT Saturday, to keep my head in a healthy space and not see such an increase that my brain goes, "F&*K it, might as well NOM."

     Tuesday I swam with dolphins, which was my birthday gift to myself. AMAZING experience, and I was pleased that squiggling into a wetsuit wasn't difficult at all. I was reassured that my photos IN said wetsuit looked shapely and not as cetacean-like as I'd felt all day. . . see awesome below!

    Fast forward to Wednesday, when I ate my on-plan breakfast, took my vitamins, and hit leg day HARD at the gym. Still, I decided to skip my customary cardio in favor of a long stretch session. Having "forgotten" my pre and post workout meals, I then ate whatever was handy as I grocery shopped. By now, I should remember NOT TO GROCERY SHOP WHEN HUNGRY. I then came home and ate a bag of Trader Joe's Spicy Mango. Then an old college friend stopped by and we went out to dinner, where I again made questionable choices that were higher in fat than they should have been.

     This is what I'm going to define as A Slippery Slope. Once I put a foot over the edge, even for a predetermined limited time of indulgence, it is SO easy to continue to slide back into bad habits, continuing to eat sugar, and now it feels like I'm starting all over again to rid my body of the cravings and inability to make the RIGHT choices. Why is it now so hard to get back on track? Where did my intense dedication and ability to stick 100% to my mealplan go? What happened to my BRAIN in those several days of break?

     I don't have the scientific evidence to be sure, but I think the moment my body realized it was being offered more food, it went into some kind of post-hibernation binge mode. My challenge, now, is to bring myself back on track, and follow what I'd originally planned, which was to maintain the diet I'd been set by my coach, and only have ONE or maybe TWO cheat meals a week, if social obligations made two easier than just the one. 

I did not plan to have a cheat meal a day.

I did not plan to go entirely off course.

I did NOT plan to skip workouts, or taper off cardio, or set myself back in that way. 

     Waking this morning with the determination born of a new day, I immediately drank 16oz of water, and ate my on-plan breakfast. YAY me. I then put on my gym clothes, so I'd have NO EXCUSE not to  hit the gym for my on-plan workout. YAY GYM. I then made a KILLER vegetable soup, loaded with spinach and other healthy veggies, so I'd have NO EXCUSE not to bang down my veggie servings for the remainder of the week. Getting creative with those meals, now that I have a little more leeway in what I consume, but keeping to my macros and calorie-allowances. I also got rid of the tempt-y foods in the house, that I would have snacked on if the urge hit and my brain wanted to make excuses. Just having that damn mango in the house is too much for my resistance. I can buy it the day OF a cheat meal, then toss the rest, but I CANNOT HAVE temptation in the house.

     Now I feel great! I have chicken breast ready to nom, I have my veggie soup all ready, and I have rekindled my motivation to be who I want to be, which is healthy and strong. Getting back on track for me is all about making it easier on myself, and taking it each step at a time, each meal at a time, each day at a time. If I find my motivation flagging again, I just need to remember how it felt physically after 4 days of indulgence. I don't need that. I don't need BLUE. I'm moving forward, not back, and I'm glad.