Fighting Illusions, Keep it Real!

     Insecurity is an epidemic among women, regarding their body image. From a very young age, we are conditioned to attach self-worth to our physical image, and we are constantly barraged with the message that we, as we are, are not good enough. I'm going to share something really personal, and embarrassing:

     When I was in first grade, I remember noticing that my legs and arms were larger than some other girls in my class. I couldn't do anything about this, but already "knew" at that age that bigger wasn't better. My tummy was round, too, not protrusive or abnormal for that age, but it wasn't flat. Sometimes it would touch my shirts. It didn't look like the kids or women on tv, so even in first grade, I began to suck in my little 6 year old belly so I'd look thinner. Six. Years. Old. I had already internalized the message that my body in its natural state wasn't right, wasn't good enough. I kept at it, too, holding in my stomach as hard as I could as often as I could remember for most of my childhood, in public. (It surely strengthened my abs, I'll say that, but what did it do to my self-esteem?)
     I remember vividly, when I was 13, at summer camp, a girl told me she envied how flat my stomach was. I felt so proud, that my little trick had worked. She thought I was thin! (The heartbreaking part of that moment is that I was never a fat child, or teen. I was never even pudgy. I was strong, but my mental image of myself was so drastically distorted that I saw myself as a fat girl, when in fact, I was lean, see me at that age on the right.)

     Without delving into the social and media implications of these statements, I think it's fair to say these statements affect many of us, and I do not claim to be an exception. It is incredibly difficult to see ourselves honestly, let alone share ourselves with others.  I still struggle to stand naked in front of a mirror without sucking in my stomach, or flexing some part of my body to maintain the image I like to have of myself.

     Imagine then, the struggle I had against my own insecurities, as I was asked by my coaches to take "before" pictures, of my body in its current natural state, without sucking in, or manipulative posing, or any tricks to appear "better" than I am. I trust my coaches. I trust their confidence, I trust their expertise, and I trusted them to take me to a different physical place. NOT giving them the honest me would have been a disservice to them, and to myself as part of my journey. A clear and honest starting point is essential to my development, and I knew that, so I sucked it up, and let it out, and stood in full lighting without a tan, or sucking in, or anything, in my littlest bikini to show my coaches what they were working with.

     Okay, so I did it. I sent out honest pictures to my coaches. I even took more and posted them publicly as part of a BSN Summer Shred contest, telling myself it's OKAY to look "crappy" in my before photos, that's the whole point, so you can improve heartily from that point.

     The next big mental challenge was my check-in photos. One part of me was totally confident in my coaching, and my own dedication to the plan I was given, and that progress would happen naturally as my coaches ran my program they way the know best. Another part of me was scared. Is scared. Will continue to be scared that my progress is slower than my peers. That my body isn't changing the way it should be, at the speed my coaches (or others!) would expect. Every time I send out a progress update, I quake inside, fearing that even by the end of my 12 week period, I won't have made the kind of progress I've seen in others' progress photos.

     Some of my coaches' clients have posted progress pictures, and they're AMAZING. Waists have been whittled, thighs have shrunk, and butts have become beautiful, round little melons of awesomeness. I do not see these changes in myself. Even more intimidating, these described changes have happened QUICKLY for others, and I don't see the same rate of change in me. This is scary. This is intimidating. This makes the insecure little 6 year old in me want to suck in that belly, flex those ab muscles, tan my hide and tweak my poses in my photos to try to achieve the visual differences I see in others.

     I won't do it, though. I'd be cheating. I'd be cheating ONLY myself. My coaches aren't dumb. They know their sh*t. They can tell differences in lighting, in posing. They know what sucking in looks like. They know all the tricks, because if *I* know them, I know they know them. WE ALL know what a sucking-in-photo-manipulation looks like, because we've ALL done stuff like that to make our facebooks better, to improve our myspaces, or our avatars on whatever social media we give a damn about. We've untagged ourselves in candids that showed our unflattering angles. We may not know the extent of photoshop retouching done on any given magazine cover or ad, but we sure as hell know how to tweak ourselves to make ourselves look "our best," and those tricks are easy to spot when any other amateur is workin' 'em.

     So I won't cheat. I'll keep on progressing at my little snail pace. The point is I'm progressing, and I'm being honest with myself and my coaches, because anything else will hinder my progress more than a momentary ego boost of "Hey, lookit THIS progress pic compared to week 1! It's AMAZING!!!" I want to be AMAZING for real, not AMAZING at manipulation. I want to be able to walk around a beach in my tiny bikini, and NOT be sucking in, ever again. I want to focus on the beauty around me, not how I look at any given moment.
     Earnest change, honest change, is the real change I want to see in myself, for myself. Being cheated on is one of the worst feelings in the world, and I won't do that to myself. I'm focused on overcoming my insecurities, rather than hiding them, and that will make all the difference.

How to eradicate STRESS from your life

Stress. 

     "I'm so stressed out!"
     "My life is SO stressful right now!"
     "Oh, I can't get xyz done, I'm too stressed."
I can teach you, in one sentence, how to completely eradicate stress from your life.

Want to know how?

Get a more descriptive vocabulary.

     No, really.
     "Stress" can be almost anything, and "having stress" is synonymous with BREATHING. Your body is under stress every day: pulled muscles, aches, pains, illnesses, constantly fighting germs and even the effect of gravity can cause physical stress. You give yourself physical stress by exertion, whether willfully exercising, or inadvertently having to dash for the bus you're about to miss.

     Stress can be emotional. Your dad could be diagnosed with cancer. You may have just had a spat with your significant other. Your time of the month may be pending, and you're late, or don't have access to chocolate you crave. You may have just started a diet, compounding physical stress with mental deprivation of foods you want, double stress!

     Stress can be mental. Overloaded with projects at work. Starting a new job. Keeping a difficult job! Hating your boss. Loving (bow chicka bow wow) your boss. Stress. Stress. Stress.

     Now here's the secret: EVERYONE has stress. It's a constant in everyone's life, all the time. From the aboriginal tribesman to the modern day white-collar Wall Street exec, everyone has some kind of stress. Now that we're all on equal footing, let's get over it.

     No, really.
     Saying, "I'm stressed," as an excuse for any kind of non-capable, non-adult behavior is just that. An excuse. Not a valid reason.
     "I just can't handle this, I'm too stressed." How many of us have heard that as an excuse for why something didn't get done, and now WE have to handle it? I bet everyone has heard that. Doesn't make it acceptable. Ten times out of ten, I'd rather someone took responsibility for their failing and ask for help, rather than blame their failing on the ever-present scapegoat, Stress.
     Don't tell me you're "stressed." Tell me the STRESSOR. I'm much more likely to be sympathetic to,
"Sarah, I couldn't meet you at the gym like we'd arranged because I over scheduled my day. I was late waking up because my boyfriend snored all night, I was late getting my kid to their doctor's appointment, and as I rushed to get home I accidentally tapped the car in front of me, so I had to deal with that."
     Specifics. Not just "I've had a stressful day." I care very much about your individual trials. I don't give a crap that it "stressed you out."

     Adults have standards of behavior that should be met. Don't let "Stress" be your excuse for rudeness, laziness, or making other people deal with your problems. If you have to get help, be specific as to why, and frankly, it doesn't hurt to apologize for your own shortcomings to those who will then be helping you. Let's ALL eradicate "Stress" from our vocabularies.

Tips on how to handle your day-to-day "Stress":

• Exercise. (Of course I advise this!) A quick 20 minute workout reintroduces endorphins to your system, and can decrease the effects of cortisol, which is the "stress hormone." Exercise more.
• Sleep. Get adequate sleep. The average adult needs approximately 7 - 9 hours of sleep per night. Find your ideal sleep pattern by going to bed at the same time every night, and allowing yourself to wake up naturally the next morning without an alarm. (Some may have to start this process on the weekend, as a body operating on a sleep deficit may oversleep at first, causing us to miss work!)
• Eat healthy foods, avoid processed foods. Fruits, vegetables, whole grains and lean proteins help the body function, which in turn allows the body to handle more of the day-to-day issues that arise in a healthy manner. Avoid processed foods and sugar.
• Avoid alcohol. A glass of red wine in a bath can be a fine de-stressing wind-down to a day, but getting home after fighting traffic and immediately mixing yourself a double vodka martini is only going to compound your stress problems down the line.
• Talk. It's okay to vent to friends, humans bond over shared problems. 
• Physical touch. Engage in more touch. Whether cuddles with kids, pets, a significant other, or booking a massage, humans respond with relaxation to increased physical touch.
• My personal favorite: Immerse yourself in water. Whether it be taking a bath, hopping in a hot tub, a hot shower, or a quick swim in the pool, somehow the feel of water on our body helps to relax us. 

     If you have any additional unique and healthy ways to combat "Stress," please feel free to email me or add them in a comment below. I always welcome new techniques!

Magazines

     Well, after reading the latest Women's Health, to which I've had a subscription for years, I got off my butt and cancelled this worthless subscription this morning. I got irritated last night as I flipped through the Katherine McPhee featured mag, seeing NO muscle tone on any of the models, including the featured McPhee. So many articles about beauty, makeup, hairstyles, and only scant mentions of fitness.
     What really sealed the deal was reading the workout which advised using 8-12lb dumbbells 3 times a week to work out various parts of the body. Head, meet wall. Repeat. This stupid magazine seemingly perpetuates the myth that if women lift anything heavier than their own boobs, they'll turn into this:

(And hey, if you DO want to look that way, more power to you! It's not everyone's aesthetic of choice, but mad props to the women who put forth that kind of effort and determination to build the kind of body that takes that much hard work. No body deserves ridicule.)

     But let's be real: the average female who lifts weights, even (gasp) HEAVY weights (like, your own bodyweight! More than that! ERMAGERD!) won't look like that woman featured above without actually intending to get there. Magazines and articles that perpetuate this myth are detrimental to women, and fitness. Here's a woman who lifts heavy weights, and competes in fitness competitions:

See the difference? I'm not saying one kind of body is better/preferable to the other, but I want to point out the serious visual differences between what perception of weightlifters is versus the reality. For the record, this particular writer and fitness enthusiast would prefer to look like the strong and beautiful Jamie Eason (pic 2), but that body also takes hard work and relentless dedication to eating habits.

     Now, maybe other bodies can achieve the kind of results they want with 8 pound dumbbells, but my body didn't change until I picked up the heavy weights, and put down the processed foods. If you're looking to be genuinely strong, and want a magazine to help you carve away the fat while leaving you fit and healthy, and able to maintain a newly de-fatted body, please check out Oxygen over Women's Health. Doing so has made a huge difference in how I view myself, my goals, and how I've gone about losing 30 pounds of fat while increasing my muscle mass and lowering my BMI. I'm still a work in progress, but that below is 180 to 150lbs. If I can do it, ANYONE can.

Product Review: Last1Standing!

     I recently realized I'm spending way too much money on sports and fitness gear, clothes, and products, so I might as well share my experiences with others about the good, the bad, and the ugly of what I've found. (Mostly, I'll laud the items I can no longer live/workout without!)

     My first review will be for a newer company, that was recommended to me through Facebook, called Last One Standing. Check them out online HERE! I was super excited to order one of their limited-edition hoodies, when I saw they had one that was BRIGHT FREAKIN' BLUE I knew it was meant to be. The back of the hoodie shouts: I AM THE ONE, in bright pink, black, and white. On the left breast of the front of the hoodie is the company's logo, again, in bold pink, black, and white. The design is slightly reminiscent of tattoo style, and contrasts perfectly with the bright aqua color of the hoodie material.

     The hoodie is super soft, and lightweight, which will be perfect for early morning runs or transport to and from the gym for the rest of the season. Did I mention the inside is soft? Like, baby kittenfloof soft. I unwrapped this gem last night, and snuggled into it immediately. I was also excited to pull it back on this morning, I could live in this thing. 

     I should also give props to the company for an easy to use and navigate website (even from my iPhone!) and the fastest shipping I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing. It was about two days from ordering the hoodie to having it in my hand, for $5 shipping. Absolutely awesome.  I may update down the line after I wash and wear it for a while. Verdict at this time? TRY THIS COMPANY!

Turn YOUR Fat into MUSCLE!!!

     Do you want to go from flabby to fit? From soft to hard? Do you dream of changing your fat into hard, admirable muscle?  I can tell you the secret to MAKE THAT HAPPEN, friend!

     And if you believe that, I've also got a timeshare on Mars I'd like to sell you. You arrive by TARDIS, and ride magical unicorns that fart See's candy. 

   THE TRUTH

     The truth is: it is impossible to turn fat into muscle. Fat is made up of cells. Fat cells. Muscle is made of up of cells. MUSCLE cells. You cannot magically turn one kind of cell into another, any more than you can turn your brain tissue into gluteal tissue. It just won't happen, no matter how big a butthead you are. You CANNOT turn one kind of cell into another.

     You CAN grow or shrink your fat cells. Eat a lot of junk and live a sedentary lifestyle, you can enlarge your fat cells or grow more of the squishy little buggers. Even when you lose fat through fit lifestyle and proper eating, you cannot GET RID of those fat cells. The only way to get rid of them is through liposuction, which literally sucks the cells out of your body and they're gone for good. (Until you go and create more.) 

     You CAN strengthen and grow your muscle cells as well. Strength training and proper diet can increase your muscle, increase your strength, and increase your metabolism all of which help to maintain a healthy weight, and help to eliminate fat from your  body. 

     I can't tell you how many times I see "turn fat into muscle in 3 easy steps" or some other such ludicrous claim. If you have a trainer, or a program, or a fat loss supplement that claims to "Turn fat" into ANYTHING, I'd seriously reconsider using that product, person, or program. It's an ignorant and misused claim, and you owe yourself better than getting duped by false promises. 

     Go out there. Build some muscle by weightlifting and eating right. LOSE some fat mass by avoiding processed foods and not overeating. But even when your new toned muscles start to come through, don't fool yourself into believing you somehow converted one kind of cell into another. You're not an alchemist. You're a person on their path to fitness. 

Inner Strength

     As I'd read others' progress and blogs and transformation stories, they all seem to have common themes that run throughout. One such theme is the Other People Don't Get It / Peer Pressure theme, and I'd always kind of dismissed it as a person's own weakness working itself out. I'm now experiencing this phenomenon firsthand, and it's not. easy. to. dismiss.

     Last night, my husband, meaning no ill, said offhandedly, "Hey, you should ask your coaches if you get a cheat meal this weekend, cuz if you don't, I'd like to go out with some other people so it won't be weird. You're no fun anymore." He didn't say this with cruelty, or with intent to hurt, but let me tell you, I haven't been able to get it out of my head ALL DAY.
     Number one, the insinuation that going out to dinner with me is weird. Yeah, it is. I know this. I eat out of tupperware now, and don't order food or drinks. I drink from my shaker bottles, and drink water. I totally understand how this would be less awesome than sharing off my plate, trying new things, or feeding each other romantically off forks.
     Two, I also understand that it's less fun to drink with someone who's not drinking. When I say drinking, I mean alcohol, obviously. I don't think drinking tons of water qualifies as "fun," either. It makes ya pee frequently, and it doesn't make you goofy.
    Three, and possibly the saddest, is the possibility of not only missing out on the food others are enjoying, but missing out on the experience and company because someone would rather eat with others who are eating "normally" than with ME. Forget relationship, forget personality, it all comes down to what you put in your mouth in public? Could that be any harsher?

     So needless to say, I was hurt and sad, and more than a little angry at that offhanded comment, and how it affected my mood for the rest of the day. I turned to my coach, who helped me get my head on straight by illuminating my priorities. I can't let someone else's opinion of my adjusted lifestyle be more important than my progress, or my efforts and days of eating right will be compromised. There's a way I want to be, and I've NEVER said my goals are to make others happy with what I'm eating, or how I look, or how strong I am.
   
     That said, here's an open request to people not dieting: you wouldn't look at your fat friend's plate, see they had fried chicken, and say, "Hey, are you sure you should be eating that? Hello cause/effect." Why? Because it's totally rude, hurtful, and socially unacceptable. You wouldn't tell an anorexic friend that they look "gross so skinny," again, because it's hurtful and detrimental. But to comment that it's weird for a fit person to bring their own meal is totally socially acceptable. You can joke with a fit friend that they're "obsessed with the gym." They're the ones society hasn't yet decided deserve the same sensitivity to their physical differences and needs. I'm in no way comparing being fit to being fat, or having an eating disorder. I'm just asking that everyone be sensitive to everyone else's eating habits and needs, and maybe avoid negative commentary altogether. Please. Because there's a strong chance my current sensitivity to this topic has a lot to do with craving exactly what you're eating right now. And I've used up all my willpower to NOT go eat it, so what's left is my brain without willpower saying PLEASE BE NICE TO ME.

Week One Update

     My husband is sitting on the couch, eating his second piece of Round Table King Arthur Supreme pizza, generously dipped in ranch sauce. The smell is, predictably, delectable. *I* am having my 5th meal of the day, brown rice and protein shake. I was a LITTLE naughty with it, I blended it with loads of ice and a drizzle of almond extract, then topped it with a teaspoon of honey and bee pollen. Eating it with a spoon makes it a lot more like a dessert, and that's fun.

     Part of the issue with being on a strict diet, when not everyone around you is, is that eating is a human HOBBY. It's social, it's part of entertaining, it's got ties to emotion, and it can be a lifestyle. I suffer from being a huge fan of really great food, (I hate the self-promoting term "foodie," it's so pretentious and elitist) and that means NOT eating really great food makes me sad. I do not mourn missing out on Round Table, but I put my foot down when he suggested going out for Deep Dish pizza from a place I DO love. NOT till cheat meal time, babe. Thanks.

     Good news is I'm really digging the workouts I'm on! My body is so much stronger than it was when I began my previous 12 week program, it's really rewarding to see the weight and my definition increasing. On the left is the second workout on the new plan, gonna update weekly!

      I also am putting conscious effort into NOT laughing (in my head) at guys who come in acting obnoxious, posturing, snickering at others as they try to weasel onto whatever equipment they want, then lifting less than me on said equipment. 

     Let me be clear, I don't care if you lift less than me. I don't care WHAT you lift. But if you're acting like a donkey, then lift with crap form and low weight, I REALLY TRY not to judge you. I try. It's a journey of personal betterment, right? Cuz right now, I may be a little judgy. SHHHH.

     I am actually really happy at the gym. Happy, feeling fit and strong, and having fun with photos! Gonna start updating them here, cuz I tweet them daily. (@Sarah4Fitness on twitter, btw!)

Not Cheating Eating Out

     OkeyDOKEY, progress! Five days in, I went out to dinner with my husband and friends to a local margarita bar and Mexican restaurant. (Why would I do that to myself? WHY? WHY?!? You may ask. . . read on!) The Husband desperately wanted to go out to dinner, and what kind of person would I be to deny him that enjoyment? Therefor, I artfully orchestrated an outing to a kind of cuisine I can actually pass up without too much regret. I originally suggested Indian food (call me a weirdo, but I'd RATHER eat restrictive "diet" food than Indian cuisine. Curry and coriander just really doesn't do it for me,) but Mexican was settled upon by all. Fine with me. Harder for me to pass up their creative margaritas than the food, to be honest.

     Thus, on a Friday night, armed with festive-colored AminoX and a protein smoothie in shaker bottles, and my Snapware full of portioned out mealfoods, I went out into the world. I was promptly rewarded by my AminoX leaking all down my bag and pants. (That is, no matter what I carry it in, ALWAYS the leakiest dang beverage in the world. It's never the WATER that leaks, no, it's the apple-scented stuff.) WHATEVER.

     We make it to our seats. Server asks us what we'd like to drink. Husband orders a pint of beer. (God, that sounds so good, it was a hot day, I'd just showered from my workout, a pint of beer, mmm,) and I ordered a glass of water, and a glass of ice. Drank said water, pounded my protein shake while others enjoyed their drinks. They then ordered their food, and I explained to our server that "I have allergies, so I had to bring my own." Somehow, I imagine people will respond better to an allergy explanation, than a "You don't serve anything on this menu I can eat right now, and I don't trust your cooks to make anything off menu that I specify will fit the parameters of my dietary needs." Nope. "Allergies." 'Nuff said.
     So I then got to sit there, smelling my husband's and friends' food, as they nommed down on cheesy burritos, greasy porky carnitas, and chips. Oh, and fabulous colored margaritas. I tried not to say ANYTHING about my own food. I tried not to make faces as I continued to eat (oh so slowly, the chewing is exhausting, I swear) long after their plates were done. I felt supremely self conscious about my first Eating Out experience, but no one but me seemed to feel it was that weird. Which was nice. There wasn't even peer pressure to drink, which was a welcome change from the last time I ate out with friends while dieting. All in all, the evening was a success.

     What really hit me was, as we walked to Baskin Robbins for my husband's dessert (OMG, right? Cruelty!) he put his arm out for me to take, and said, "I'm really proud of you. You didn't even consider cheating. That had to be really hard." And I thought about it, and realized that I hadn't even really thought about cheating on my plan. I just didn't see it as an option. And that's. . .awesome.

     Of course, it doesn't hurt that I was wearing my "I bought them just a little too tight but will eventually fit them" jeans, and they were fitting perfectly. It also didn't hurt that I'd been reading posts from coaches, friends, and role models all day who were at the Arnold Fitness 2013 all day, and who had lots of pictures of themselves looking amazing and fit and happy. The real kicker though, was that I actually cheated again this morning. I got on the scale before Weigh In Day. And I was down 3 pounds. I'm finally making the kind of progress I want, and I'm happy about it. I refuse to wash it away on a night of margaritas and food I wouldn't even choose for my "cheat meals". I can achieve my goals.  Every little triumph like this gets me one step closer.