Day 3, Cravings and Dreams

     I've had no problem following my fitness coaches' advice to a T so far (ooh, big accomplishment, 48 hours in) and that includes putting asparagus in my facehole despite my aversion to the stuff, but today I did something I was told I oughtn't do.
    I went and weighed myself. Why on EARTH would I do this, two days in? WHY? Well, in the past going from eating whatever to eating clean, I'd seen a daily pound loss every time I hopped on the scale. Not today. :( I was exactly the same as my original weigh in, which was totally disheartening. I know in my HEAD that changes happen when I eat right, and the longer I stick to eating right the better the results will be; it's that emotional tie to the scale that I need to shake. I want to see results, and I want to see them NOW! Seeing results is what motivates me to continue forward with the diet and the exercise, but mostly the diet.
     So weird that last night I had my first big sugar craving. My husband was eating sweet tarts, which I normally think is basically flavored chalk, but at that moment, I WANTED them. And a waffle with syrup. Sprinkled with nerds. (Like, seriously?? SERIOUSLY. I wanted to eat like a 6 year old kid dropped off in Candyland with a magic credit card and a spork.) I did NOT eat them though.
 Mantra: I will be compliant. I will be coachable.
Then, in my sleep, I had vivid dreams of being seated at a lazy susan table with my extended family, everyone ordering their favorite Chinese and Japanese food, most of which was deep fried, covered in sugary sauces, and crunchily delicious. I know they were delicious, because in my dream, I allowed my self to take little bites of the crab rangoon, the fried salt and pepper crab, and lots of fresh sushi. As I did, I suddenly remembered I'm supposed to be on a healthy eating plan, and I woke myself up with an exclamation of "NO! I'm not eating that!" And there was a feeling of guilt and failure when I woke, which is a lousy way to start my day. While on one hand it was nice to crunch through the things I'm not actually going to eat for a while, it really hit home that I have what may actually be food addictions.

     Like many, I know what foods are good for me, and what ones I should avoid if I want to reach my goals. It's a little-picture/big-picture issue for me now. The little picture is my food cravings, and bad habits I miss. The big picture is the body I've always wanted and genuinely believe I can attain.
     I'm so grateful that I've finally signed on with actual coaches, who will guide me and keep me honest as I continue to push towards the body I want MORE than sugar and fry. I'm also not going to weigh myself again until I'm supposed to, because I don't want to have the disappointing feeling I had this morning. I'm also going to be working my heart out on my cardio at the gym today, due to the moment of sad after the scale. Anything I can do to accelerate my progress is worth it.